HOCD

Submitted by 41 Fri 01/13/2012

I'm going to make a timeline so people can see my problem over the years. I'm 13 years and skipped a class.

7th grade.
In the summer, just before the 7th grade, I masturbated with a group of friends, we watched straight porn. Short after that, I felt guilty about that and when I was in 7th grade I was getting OCD. And a little HOCD, but I defeated it. The OCD continued. I was very shy in class and I never said something.

8th grade.
My best year on high school. I got friends, said things in class and fell in love with a girl. I still had OCD, but when I got gy thoughts I could easily think to myself:
'I'm not gay', and that helped. At the end of 8th grade I didn't loved that girl as much anymore and in the summer after 8th grade I was getting thoughts about another girl (which I didn't even thought she was nice), I kept saying to myself: 'No, no, you're in love with that girl from 8th grade and no one else'. So I really wanted to love her again. (About the girl from which I didn't even thought she was nice, I was in love with her in 6th grade).

9th grade.
The year in which I'm now. It's horrible because I have thoughts which say I'm gay. I sometimes feel like I'm gay and sometimes I feel like I want to be. But these thoughts are killing me and the love for that girl. I still keep saying: 'No, no, you're in love with the girl from 8th grade'. But I don't feel anything anymore. I don't want to be gay. I feel best when I feel lik I'm straight.

Please help me.

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